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Sunday, November 15
Saturday, November 14
Thursday, November 12
Not grown up yet, but working on it
Andy Crash Kelly. That's my character. Kelly isn't my real last name. I had to change it for my radio show. Crash has been my nickname for almost 20 years... so I guess it's my name, but it's not who I always am. And I don't even know if that last sentence is good grammar.
Things about me that I won't tweet or share on Facebook. Unless I'm drunk. But I don't drink anymore. Gave it up in 2004 after a cast party. Don't know how I got home or who parked the mini-van on the front lawn. 3 day hangover. I was 43. I woke up. Done drinking.
I haven't done a live radio show since 2000. I was fired for the last time for making too much money. I decided that day. The radio I fell in love with in the late 60's is dead. After 25 years of watching great, local radio die (and good pay with it), it was time to make a career change.
I haven't done a paid comedy gig since the late 90's... I don't even remember where it was. I got tired of the traveling and the a-hole club managers and fellow comics. Sorry to report... I can only name a few famous comedians I worked with that are decent human beings. To be fair, I was a selfish a-hole myself, but I at least 'acted' like I was listening to others around me.
I am returning to stand-up comedy because I really miss it and I think today, more than ever we need more comedy... more laughter. Plus, I'm getting offers.
I'm married to my third wife. I don't remember much about the first two because I was too selfish. Thought only of my radio career. They were wonderful ladies, too. I'm glad they moved on, because I was worthless then. My current and last wife and I now are several years apart. I won't say how many. People make judgements. She's the one I deserve today. Because we met around the time I grew up after I quit radio. Her son from another marriage helped me realize that being a daddy is different than being a father.
I have a 20-year old daughter that I didn't see grow up. Radio first. We're cool now. She still thinks I'm the cool daddy. She's an actor and singer. She wants to be a math teacher. I hated math and I can't sing. She's beautiful. Thank goodness she looks like her mom.
My wife and I argue a lot because we're very passionate about our identities and view points. We still laugh with and at each other. We've worked together in our home business for 10 years... married five years ago this week. She loves me more today than she did back then. She just told me that. I told her I loved her more back then than I do today. Because I can't ever be serious. Because I can still be an a-hole just to get an inner laugh.
I don't put up with people hurting other people. I have two black belts. I've never been in a fight (except for Karate tournaments). Having two black belts in like having a bazooka under your coat. We know we're dangerously armed, but the opponent doesn't. And I find it more challenging to laugh my way out of a fight, then to go Bruce Lee on 'em.
And I'm too old and slow nowadays. I'd look like an idiot.
I have a few personality vices: I'm A.D.D, I'm OCD, and borderline bi-polar. Which makes me a genius from what I've researched about other famous people that have these common illnesses.
I blow my extra money on causes. It's bad for my wife and kids because I tend to go overboard. My family back in Texas are mostly millionaires. The secret to wealth is not making it, it's keeping what you make and investing it wisely. I've made a lot more money than I can prove. My tax statements would impress some people. My car and clothes wouldn't.
I get easily depressed. I like to be in a big room by myself when I can. I enjoy watching old TV reruns and vintage movies. I never watch the news. It's just too depressing. Plus it was my job to report and make fun of the news for 25 years. I'm taking a break from that for now.
I cry easily. I'll 'snot' cry at a serious tampon commercial. I almost got in my first real fight in 1983 inside a theatre. A girl started laughing at me during "Star Trek III, The Search For Spock"... when Kirk blew up the Starship Enterprise... I began balling like an 3 day old infant. Outloud.
Relax, I wasn't going to fight her, I was going to fight her boyfriend because of his bad taste in women. I learned that day that women who like Star Trek are too manly. Or she went there to laugh at other geeks.
I'm becoming cheap. I wasn't that way before. In my younger days, just bought and swiped. Now I celebrate when I pay 99 cents for a gallon of Vitamin D enriched cow hormones while others around me are paying $4 bucks a gallon. Because I have a COUPON. I do that stupid "I saved 3 dollars and you didn't" white boy dance.
I obsess about my hair. I don't have much anymore, but I want it nice and groomed. That Shamwow guy's hair makes me crazy. Or that dude that was on "What's My Line". And I'm really scared my new comedy manager will make me do that to my hair too, "Now, you look funny, like a comedian".
My wife has to dress me, because I have absolutely no taste in fashion. I trust her judgment because she watches "Project Runway". And "What Not to Wear". I like the way they dress on "That 70's Show"... but I guess it's outdated since the show is now in reruns.
I have a 2yr old boy now. On purpose. He was planned. And I love him like I never knew I could love a child. I'm obsessed with his happiness over mine. The last time I felt that way was when I first opened the mic at my first radio station. Sure I love other people. A lot. But not like my Ray-Ray. It's difficult to verbalize.
I'm a two-way mirror flirt. It's fun for me until they look back at me.
I wonder why life matures your body but not your brain. However, I'm no longer attracted to the Brady girls, but the mom now. And sometimes Alice. Because she can cook and she's funny.
I love Star Trek. I can repeat every line from every episode, but I still enjoy watching it as if it were the first time. Perhaps it's because my mind is also going. Or it could be that... I'm... crap....
....what was I talking about?
Things about me that I won't tweet or share on Facebook. Unless I'm drunk. But I don't drink anymore. Gave it up in 2004 after a cast party. Don't know how I got home or who parked the mini-van on the front lawn. 3 day hangover. I was 43. I woke up. Done drinking.
I haven't done a live radio show since 2000. I was fired for the last time for making too much money. I decided that day. The radio I fell in love with in the late 60's is dead. After 25 years of watching great, local radio die (and good pay with it), it was time to make a career change.
I haven't done a paid comedy gig since the late 90's... I don't even remember where it was. I got tired of the traveling and the a-hole club managers and fellow comics. Sorry to report... I can only name a few famous comedians I worked with that are decent human beings. To be fair, I was a selfish a-hole myself, but I at least 'acted' like I was listening to others around me.
I am returning to stand-up comedy because I really miss it and I think today, more than ever we need more comedy... more laughter. Plus, I'm getting offers.
I'm married to my third wife. I don't remember much about the first two because I was too selfish. Thought only of my radio career. They were wonderful ladies, too. I'm glad they moved on, because I was worthless then. My current and last wife and I now are several years apart. I won't say how many. People make judgements. She's the one I deserve today. Because we met around the time I grew up after I quit radio. Her son from another marriage helped me realize that being a daddy is different than being a father.
I have a 20-year old daughter that I didn't see grow up. Radio first. We're cool now. She still thinks I'm the cool daddy. She's an actor and singer. She wants to be a math teacher. I hated math and I can't sing. She's beautiful. Thank goodness she looks like her mom.
My wife and I argue a lot because we're very passionate about our identities and view points. We still laugh with and at each other. We've worked together in our home business for 10 years... married five years ago this week. She loves me more today than she did back then. She just told me that. I told her I loved her more back then than I do today. Because I can't ever be serious. Because I can still be an a-hole just to get an inner laugh.
I don't put up with people hurting other people. I have two black belts. I've never been in a fight (except for Karate tournaments). Having two black belts in like having a bazooka under your coat. We know we're dangerously armed, but the opponent doesn't. And I find it more challenging to laugh my way out of a fight, then to go Bruce Lee on 'em.
And I'm too old and slow nowadays. I'd look like an idiot.
I have a few personality vices: I'm A.D.D, I'm OCD, and borderline bi-polar. Which makes me a genius from what I've researched about other famous people that have these common illnesses.
I blow my extra money on causes. It's bad for my wife and kids because I tend to go overboard. My family back in Texas are mostly millionaires. The secret to wealth is not making it, it's keeping what you make and investing it wisely. I've made a lot more money than I can prove. My tax statements would impress some people. My car and clothes wouldn't.
I get easily depressed. I like to be in a big room by myself when I can. I enjoy watching old TV reruns and vintage movies. I never watch the news. It's just too depressing. Plus it was my job to report and make fun of the news for 25 years. I'm taking a break from that for now.
I cry easily. I'll 'snot' cry at a serious tampon commercial. I almost got in my first real fight in 1983 inside a theatre. A girl started laughing at me during "Star Trek III, The Search For Spock"... when Kirk blew up the Starship Enterprise... I began balling like an 3 day old infant. Outloud.
Relax, I wasn't going to fight her, I was going to fight her boyfriend because of his bad taste in women. I learned that day that women who like Star Trek are too manly. Or she went there to laugh at other geeks.
I'm becoming cheap. I wasn't that way before. In my younger days, just bought and swiped. Now I celebrate when I pay 99 cents for a gallon of Vitamin D enriched cow hormones while others around me are paying $4 bucks a gallon. Because I have a COUPON. I do that stupid "I saved 3 dollars and you didn't" white boy dance.
I obsess about my hair. I don't have much anymore, but I want it nice and groomed. That Shamwow guy's hair makes me crazy. Or that dude that was on "What's My Line". And I'm really scared my new comedy manager will make me do that to my hair too, "Now, you look funny, like a comedian".
My wife has to dress me, because I have absolutely no taste in fashion. I trust her judgment because she watches "Project Runway". And "What Not to Wear". I like the way they dress on "That 70's Show"... but I guess it's outdated since the show is now in reruns.
I have a 2yr old boy now. On purpose. He was planned. And I love him like I never knew I could love a child. I'm obsessed with his happiness over mine. The last time I felt that way was when I first opened the mic at my first radio station. Sure I love other people. A lot. But not like my Ray-Ray. It's difficult to verbalize.
I'm a two-way mirror flirt. It's fun for me until they look back at me.
I wonder why life matures your body but not your brain. However, I'm no longer attracted to the Brady girls, but the mom now. And sometimes Alice. Because she can cook and she's funny.
I love Star Trek. I can repeat every line from every episode, but I still enjoy watching it as if it were the first time. Perhaps it's because my mind is also going. Or it could be that... I'm... crap....
....what was I talking about?
I like you, but the clock's ticking!
Eight months on Twitter this week. A social media journey. I'm at a fork today.As a new Twitterer and Facebookie in the spring and summer of 2009, I thought it would be interesting to have lots of followers to tweet my humor out to, to see what sticks. I don't quite understand the concept of having millions of followers that I can't keep up with... but do I have to understand?
After all, when performing a stand-up comedy gig, a comic really never knows who's in the audience. We can assume they're mostly locals, but don't know much else about 'em except they paid $50 or more to laugh and have a good time.
Or we could hire a plant to talk with them out in the ticket lines or lobby to get some demographic stats before showtime.
I see the benefits of that with Twitter, too. Except for the fact that it's sometimes hard to tell who's listening or just posting/talking. Some spammers out there are very clever. They appear human, they tweet like a human... but as we know, some are just clever bots.
Recently, someone recommended that I check out FakeFollowers.com and get an idea who was following me or who just followed to get my followback.
Based on the parameters that I wanted from a Twitter connection, I was not happy to learn that over 60% of my followers probably don't even know I exist on Twitter.
So I ended our one-way relationship that day... about 2900 users since I started according to Twitblock.org. I don't know how to check, but it's fair to assume I've been blocked by thousands as well. That's Twlife! :-D
A few weeks later, my follow count was back to where it was. Lately, I've been a little more picky. Like when I started, I read the bios--checked a few pages of tweets--and made the decision to follow OR just BLOCK. I say BLOCK because all indicators are that they were information or sales bots. No one to engage with. No one who wanted a two-way social media connection.
Don't hang up yet.
I HOPE you're not thinking that I'm needing followers who only laugh at my jokes, retweet my jokes and tell me how wonderful I am. And that means you've never read my tweets. If you think that, then you're on the other side of Twitter: More followers than followbacks... that's fine. It's your Twitter, too. (I say that a lot).
However, I do want to follow back everyone REAL that saw something I tweeted and made the follow jump. To me, it's like someone waiting to meet me back stage. Taking the time to let me know I was good, or not good, superb or lame---whatever----they took some time to make the effort. And if they don't want to say it in public, then they can in private (with a follow back on Twitter, you get a DIRECT MESSAGE capability).
I don't know if this is believable, but most of my 'true friends' on Twitter prefer to respond to me via direct message. I would bet that about 3 out of four tweets I post are via DIRECT MESSAGE. Even if I don't respond immediately (because I'm actually reading tweeted blog posts, photos, videos, etc).. they trust me to reply soon enough.. and vice versa.
I feel it's good, too because we don't look so chatty in the timeline to common followers.
Here's my latest experiment: I'm going to be more pro-active in following people I WANT TO MEET from now on. Using Tweetminer's search capabilities will help me do that better than the simple web interface. Clicking on users that other trust friends recommend, etc.
Here's the tricky part: I know me, but the followers-to-be don't. Will they read my bio? Will they read a few tweets? Or will they just follow back or ignore? Oh, good more maintenance. :D
This is a little more scarier. I was passive before. Before today (only because I was lazy), I was doing my thing occasionally... you like it, click follow. Now I'm going to start introducing myself first, based on what I'm reading about THEM. (I forgot somehow that's how I promoted my morning radio shows in every new city I worked.)
Naturally, I feel that I am a followable guy. If a user on Twitter or Facebook I'd like to connect with (because that's what it's really all about) doesn't find me 'followable', that's fine. But social networking, done right, is a lot of maintenance.
I will work harder to make that first handshake. If a potential friend chooses not to respond within 72 hours, I'll take the hint and unfollow (not block). That's life. I'm not for everyone. Not everyone is supposed to meet on Twitter. Bad timing. Que Sera, Sera
Anonymous comments are welcome below: Bring the heat. I posted, I'm ready for it.
Me on Twitter - Me on Facebook
Monday, November 9
The greatest obstacle to progress
I'm a documentary freak... science, history, biographies, how-to's... I rarely enjoy any other TV programming in my free time. While watching "Most of Our Universe is Missing" tonight on the Science channel, I couldn't let go of something one of the guests said. I had to blog it. As far as I'm concerned, it's an absolute:"The greatest obstacle to progress is the illusion of knowledge; the illusion that we know everything that is going on, when we don't.
Prof. Mike Disney, Cardiff University
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